So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
