Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
