Plan B is the new Plan A
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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