He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
