I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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