tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
one might say we're banned from that church
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
