i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
