Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
