A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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