I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Randomize
