You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
