did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
