i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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