By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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