just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
