He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
