how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Less talking, more tequila
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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