smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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