Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
