You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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