Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
