She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
