The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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