super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
