happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
