Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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