at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
