I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
