dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
