so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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