drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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