1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
