Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
