Banned from zoo.
Again?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
