the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
