Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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