why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I need moral support for this bender
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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