So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
