I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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