I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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