A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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