I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
