I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
