I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she looked like the before picture.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
