Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize
