Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
