You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Let's paint friendship bongs
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
