No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
