So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
