The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
