dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
