It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
